I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
