I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i drank out of a bidet.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
