i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
