Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
