Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
