I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
