I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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