stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
