i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
