The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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