Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
