One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
