How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tell your sister to shave her snatch
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
