If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize