No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
