Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
