bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
