Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
