Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pants are for mortals
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