Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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