You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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