My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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