mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
