Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
