I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
