The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize