I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
