dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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