at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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