This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
