I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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