I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
