dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
