I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize