Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
