i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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