My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
