Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
