And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
