He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
