he shaved USA in his pubs
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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