Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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