so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
