If that was your dad, he is hot
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
