I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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