I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
