I didn't shave. On purpose
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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