I puked a lego.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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