Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
