why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When did angry sex become our thing?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
