I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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