Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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