so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
