Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
