And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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