____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
