I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
