After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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