there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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