Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
