I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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