omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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