Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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