What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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