He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
