Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
