I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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