They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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