That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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