New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
