You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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