He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
